HARKONNENDOG

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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

A review of Alexander.

Alexander-

Rotten Tomatoes compiled a 14% freshness rating for this movie. Holy crap that's low. Waaay too low. First of all Rosario Dawson out-hotties Angelina Jolie in this film. That shouldn't be possible- that ISN'T POSSIBLE, but it happened. And if you're not into the chicks there is a lot of male eye candy for ya' too. And actually that's part of the problem.

Lot of gayness in this movie. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but Alexander the Great isn't Great because he digged boys. I mean don't hide it, but don't make the love story a major part of the picture, Stonie. Bad artistic choice. We go in looking for Greatness, not Days of Our Lives.

(You'd get no complaints if Ferrel's doing Dawson during the whole movie because there's some sexual tension there, there's some HEAT, and 90+% of your audience would get off on it because, well, we can put ourselves into Ferrel's or Rosario's body and imagine. But, assuming, generously, that 10% of the population is gay, you've still only got 5%, the male gays, willing to put themselves into the body of a guy on guy love scene. Anyway, Stonie doens't have the balls to show gay HEAT on the screen, so even those guys don't dig it. So there's no commercial reason to go there either.)

Stonies idea of Greatness apparently inolves a lot of "Daddy didn't love me! Mommy's a psycho!" type stuff. Er, whatever dude. There has to be a lot more to Greatness than that. I mean you made up a bunch of dumb shit (that's not even entertaining!) instead of looking for Greatness. You could have read biographies about Great conquerors- MacArthur, Napoleon, Nimitz, Eisenhower, and the like, and taken bits of pieces to find out what makes the type tick. Instead you just made up a bunch of dumb shit (that's not even entertaining!) and made a historical epic version of Beyond the Glory.

Maybe it does deserve a 14% tomato rating? Nah. It is worth a watch.

Oh yeah... I know the movie is old. I know. What can I tell you?

6 Comments:

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  • At 7:30 AM, Blogger Macswain said…

    Dude,

    Everybody knew this movie sucked about six months ago. If you want to see depravity done right rent Sin City or Oldboy. Now give us political trash talk or, at least, some moanin' about yer Raiders.

     
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