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Tuesday, May 03, 2005

My penis is majestic. My penis is studious.

My wife recently attended a showing of The Vagina Monologues. She didn't invite me and I didn't invite myself. She gave it a thumbs up, but in a sort of damned with faint praise kind of way. I think she liked it out of respect for her gender, mostly. I think she assumed it empowered some other woman, or women, so she supports the play. I wonder if that assumption is the reason behind all the plays support.
I would have asked, and I was all set with other snarkey comments/questions, but she let me know this was a no-snark zone so I held back. I'm a grown-ass man, dawg. I don't make snarky comments to the wife, no matter how snark-viting the topic is, once the wife has declared a subject snark-shielded. I'm married, and such compromises come with the territory.

The conservatives students at Roger Williams University in Rhode Island do not have to make such compromises. This is A GREAT READ. It is hilarious. Quick excerpt:

The campus conservatives artfully (in the college sense of "artful") mimicked the V-Day campaign. They papered the school with flyers that said, “My penis is majestic” and “My penis is hilarious.” The caption on one handout read, “My Penis is studious.” It showed Testaclese reclining on a couch reading Michael Barone’s Hard America, Soft America.

“Testaclese” tipped the scales when he approached the university Provost, Edward J. Kavanagh, outside the student union. Apparently taking him/it for a giant mushroom, Provost Kavanagh cheerfully greeted him. But when Testaclese presented him with an honorary award as a campus “Penis Warrior,” the stunned official realized that it was no mushroom. After this incident, which was recorded on videotape, the promoters of P-Day were ordered to cease circulating their flyers and to keep Testaclese off campus grounds. Mindful of how school officers had never once protested any of the antics of Vagina warriors, the P-warriors did not comply. The Testaclese costume was then confiscated and formal charges followed.

Note the double standard. Gigantic walking and talking and devouring vaginas are not confiscated like Testaclese the animated penis, they are instead honored.
Note the differences in style. The lefties are sincerely crying out for self-empowerment and recognition of victim-status. The righties are laughing their asses off.

Now note that in the movie Animal House the good guys at Faber College were the Deltas. They were liberal, stupid in a David Letterman kind of way, fun-loving, prosecuted by the university administration, inclusive, and funny. Tag line: "I'm a zit! Get it?" The bad guys were the Omegas. They were conservative, self-serious, arrogant, tied in with and coddled by the administration, exclusive of those not their kind, and humorless. Tag line: "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

In real life at at Roger Williams University the good guys are the college Republicans. They are conservative, stupid in a David Letterman kind of way, fun-loving, and prosecuted by the university administration. Tag line- "My penis is studious." The bad guys are the lefties. (There may be some overlap, but I guarantee you that the majority of V-Day celebrants are lefty.) They are self-serious, arrogant, tied in with the administration, exclusive of those not their kind, and humorless. Tag line- "My vagina is huggable."

Look at what happened to the two parties, and to conservatism and liberalism in general, in the last 25 years. They flipped! The liberals became the Omegas, and the conservatives became the Deltas. Bill Clinton won because he was a Delta despite the fact that he was a liberal. George W. Bush is also a Delta. Kerry, Gore, Dole, and George Bush Sr. are all Omegas.

Liberals and conservatives need to take heed of this, The Animal House Effect. Hillary, after all, is an Omega. She can't win. What conservatives are Deltas? I can only think of Jeb Bush. Condi Rice might win, if she wore those high-heeled black boots a lot. They Delta-fied her quite a bit. Both parties have Dean Wormer's. The left's Wormers have been running things for quite a while, and the right's Wormer's, mostly Christians, are agitating for more power. Hmm... Maybe I should run.


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