The Arguments I Hate Part 1

"Who benefits?"
This is something many liberals ask when they seek to foist a conspiracy theory upon an unsuspecting (and/or trapped) listener.
"Who benefits?"

"Who really caused 911? You want to know the answer? Well, who benefits?"
(Israel, Bush, Neo-cons, Republicans, Skull and Bones, Industrial Military Complex, Corporations, Big Oil, Them!)
"Aids? You want to know the REAL STORY behind it? Well, who benefits?"
(Republicans, Conservatives, Medical Industry, Big Business, Corporations, Them!)
"Pearl Harbor. You want to know if we had warning or not? Who benefited from the LACK of warning?"
(Military Industrial Complex, Big Business, THEM)
"Afghanistan. Who benefits?"
(Big Oil, Corporations etc.)

Let's switch it up a bit and try some ad absurdum.
School shootings- who benefits?
Anti-gun groups, so anti-gun groups cause school shootings.
Car jackings- who benefits?
Car makers, because the owners have to buy new cars. So Chrysler is hiring car jackers to steal cars.
Fat kids- who benefits?
Atkins!!! Atkins causes obesity so they can sell their diet to fix it!!!
Who benefits from drunken driving fatalities?
MADD- they make their money off donations when people die because of drunk driving!
And, since I always take my arguments too far- here's the "too far" argument for the day:
Slavery- who benefits?
Black groups trying to get slave reparations. So Jesse Jackson caused slavery!

Update...,

Fellow UPC'er Cerning points out, correctly, that conspiracy theories and the "who benefits" argument are not exclusive to the left. Okay, okay. (Being a member of a multi-partisan blog means you need to be careful about tossing out labels and being mentally sloppy in general. That's why I like it but it can be annoying. Ugh.)