JACOB probs-
First, don't forget to buy CLOWN. :)
Here's the link if you'd like to purchase it or learn more.
That is http://www.lulu.com/content/182896 for those who prefer to cut and paste into their browser.
Here's the link if you'd like to purchase it or learn more.
That is http://www.lulu.com/content/182896 for those who prefer to cut and paste into their browser.
Problem: Prologue SUCKS!
Solution--
Use the voice recording only with the -click- -click- -click- action. (COULD ALSO MENTION THAT SALAHUDDIN'S PREFERRED METHOD OF KILLING PEOPLE IS IN ACTION HERE?)
Problem: Prologue doesn't jibe with later publishing date of JACOB.
Solution--
Have JACOB be just one of many stories about the recovery of the horse pills.
Problem: Chapter 1 is waay too long.
Solution: I'm thinking I'm going to have Jacob working one table (he gets paid to have drinks with female customers after the show) and have Jenny waiting her turn at another table, and have one woman's time run out... and she'll take out a black pen and draw her number on Jacob's hand, and the woman at the next table with lick Jacob's hand with her tongue and use her hand to rub off the old number, and then write down her number atop it...
Problem: Chapter 2 The AMPHITEHATER has a lot of shitty writing.
Solution: Rewrite. Keep the protest.
Problem: Chapter 3... This one's okay, I think.
Problem: Chapter 4 The Deliver Man- I keep calling the deliver man "the delivery man," which sucks but.
Solution: Call him "Salahuddin." Find and Replace. DONE.
Problem: Chapter 5 The Message- Why kill off Rodney? Should Rodney be a CIA plant? (find out at the very end- and THAT'S why the CIA is covering Kestine's house? It is basically an aside?)
Problem Chapter 6: Why would Jenny tell Jake about the message? And how would they be able to crack the code?
Solution: DON'T have them break the code. It is enough that Kestine got a heavily encoded message from a suspicious source.
Problem Chapter 7: It is okay, but make it so Jake hates Arabs because of his experience in Pakistan, too?
Here's the link if you'd like to purchase it or learn more.That is http://www.lulu.com/content/182896 for those who prefer to cut and paste into their browser.
Here's the link if you'd like to purchase it or learn more.
That is http://www.lulu.com/content/182896 for those who prefer to cut and paste into their browser.
Problem: Prologue SUCKS!
Solution--
Use the voice recording only with the -click- -click- -click- action. (COULD ALSO MENTION THAT SALAHUDDIN'S PREFERRED METHOD OF KILLING PEOPLE IS IN ACTION HERE?)
Problem: Prologue doesn't jibe with later publishing date of JACOB.
Solution--
Have JACOB be just one of many stories about the recovery of the horse pills.
Problem: Chapter 1 is waay too long.
Solution: I'm thinking I'm going to have Jacob working one table (he gets paid to have drinks with female customers after the show) and have Jenny waiting her turn at another table, and have one woman's time run out... and she'll take out a black pen and draw her number on Jacob's hand, and the woman at the next table with lick Jacob's hand with her tongue and use her hand to rub off the old number, and then write down her number atop it...
Problem: Chapter 2 The AMPHITEHATER has a lot of shitty writing.
Solution: Rewrite. Keep the protest.
Problem: Chapter 3... This one's okay, I think.
Problem: Chapter 4 The Deliver Man- I keep calling the deliver man "the delivery man," which sucks but.
Solution: Call him "Salahuddin." Find and Replace. DONE.
Problem: Chapter 5 The Message- Why kill off Rodney? Should Rodney be a CIA plant? (find out at the very end- and THAT'S why the CIA is covering Kestine's house? It is basically an aside?)
Problem Chapter 6: Why would Jenny tell Jake about the message? And how would they be able to crack the code?
Solution: DON'T have them break the code. It is enough that Kestine got a heavily encoded message from a suspicious source.
Problem Chapter 7: It is okay, but make it so Jake hates Arabs because of his experience in Pakistan, too?
posted by Harkonnendog @ 12:05 PM
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