Showing vs. Telling. Chapter 1.
You're supposed to show, not tell, when writing. Or at least that's what they say... I took it very much to heart in the 1st chapter of JACOB. Jacob is a male stripper and I SHOWED his striptease act and showed Jenny Day's reaction to it and... er... I mean it is okay for what it is, I probably spent 40 hours on 3 pages after all the rewriting... but what it is is a written description of a male strip show, which = the suck, I think.
But really I probably blew it by trying to show Jacob is hot that way- 'cause that doesn't show it, that TELLS it. You know?
So now I'm thinking I can get the same idea across better like so...
I'm thinking I'm going to have Jacob working one table (he gets paid to have drinks with female customers after the show) and have Jenny waiting her turn at another table, and have one woman's time run out... and she'll take out a black pen and draw her number on Jacob's hand, and the woman at the next table with lick Jacob's hand with her tongue and use her hand to rub off the old number, and then write down her number atop it...
I know this kind of thing happens because it happened to me.
This is about five years back. I was working at a youth hostel- and I was attracted to a new guest, a pouty/dirty little nugget of a blonde- can't remember her name, let's call her Tassie. So I was trying to make some time with Tassie but Tassie wasn't diggin' it. She was cool, she just wasn't going for it.
My boss, friend, and best friend's wife, Nam, must have overheard. She comes out of the office, says hi to Tassie, draws a heart on the back of my hand, and goes back into the office. Tassie grabs my hand, lick/kisses it, and wipes the heart away. Well, done deal, I figured, and it was. Ha ha ha. Good times. Good times...
"Tassie," who was kind of crazy- for some reason every woman I made love to at the hostel was- is the first person who paid me for a book. I let her read NEVA, my first novel, and she didn't give it back. Instead she gave me ten bucks. Believe me, it wasn't for the sex, 'cause I had a control issue that evening, lol. As Nam put it though, "As long as you put inside you won."
HAHAHAHA.
Later on today I'll try to actually write this chapter.
But really I probably blew it by trying to show Jacob is hot that way- 'cause that doesn't show it, that TELLS it. You know?
So now I'm thinking I can get the same idea across better like so...
I'm thinking I'm going to have Jacob working one table (he gets paid to have drinks with female customers after the show) and have Jenny waiting her turn at another table, and have one woman's time run out... and she'll take out a black pen and draw her number on Jacob's hand, and the woman at the next table with lick Jacob's hand with her tongue and use her hand to rub off the old number, and then write down her number atop it...
I know this kind of thing happens because it happened to me.
This is about five years back. I was working at a youth hostel- and I was attracted to a new guest, a pouty/dirty little nugget of a blonde- can't remember her name, let's call her Tassie. So I was trying to make some time with Tassie but Tassie wasn't diggin' it. She was cool, she just wasn't going for it.
My boss, friend, and best friend's wife, Nam, must have overheard. She comes out of the office, says hi to Tassie, draws a heart on the back of my hand, and goes back into the office. Tassie grabs my hand, lick/kisses it, and wipes the heart away. Well, done deal, I figured, and it was. Ha ha ha. Good times. Good times...
"Tassie," who was kind of crazy- for some reason every woman I made love to at the hostel was- is the first person who paid me for a book. I let her read NEVA, my first novel, and she didn't give it back. Instead she gave me ten bucks. Believe me, it wasn't for the sex, 'cause I had a control issue that evening, lol. As Nam put it though, "As long as you put inside you won."
HAHAHAHA.
Later on today I'll try to actually write this chapter.
posted by Harkonnendog @ 10:44 AM
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