Final Appeal Re: Terry Shaffo
Terry Shaffo legally purchased and used intelligence enhancement services after receiving a large inheritance from his great grandmother’s estate. Consequently, over the next four years, Shaffo’s IQ (Intelligence Quotient) increased from 80 to 140, where it leveled off and was maintained with an intelligence maintenance regimen. Shaffo’s LQ (Life Quality), measured by income, stature in the community, and PJI (Pure Joy Index) rose dramatically.
After five years Shaffo realized that, despite his higher income, maintaining the 140 IQ was exhausting the inheritance and, barring some new windfall or massive increase in income, he would not be able to continue the intelligence maintenance regimen. Shaffo chose to create a living will, specifying ME (Merciful Euthanasia) should be employed if his IQ dropped below 85. Shaffo did this both to motivate himself to increase his income, and to insure that he would enjoy a minimum QL level.
Shaffo now has an IQ of 78. However his LQ (Life Quality) is 12% above the median EU (European Union) LQ (Life Quality). This is because his PJI (Personal Joy Index) is unusually high because his PHI (Personal Hope Index) is extremely high, though his RBHI (Reality-Based Hope Index) approaches zero. (This disparity between PHI (Personal Hope Index) and RBHI (Reality Based Hope Index) is an indicator of PSD (Possibly Subversive Derangement), and the appropriate authorities in the DRBER (Department of Reality Based Expectation Regulation) have been notified. However, given the probability of Shaffo’s death, they have not filed papers.)
Shaffo married while he had an IQ of 140, and he and his wife appealed to the 7th Chancellor’s court to stay Shaffo’s ME (Merciful Euthanasia) indefinitely, citing the high LQ (Life Quality). Shaffo’s wife, for unknown reasons, still loves Shaffo, and wishes to remain married. (We continue to test and will continue to test her until we have diagnosed the reason(s) behind this.)
The 7th Chancellor’s court stipulated that Shaffo’s living will specified that he demanded ME (Merciful Euthanasia) if his IQ (Intelligence Quotient) dropped below 85 because he assumed his LQ (Life Quality) would drop in kind. It has not. The 7th Chancellor’s court therefore agreed to examine the case. Upon closer examination they ruled that the ME (Merciful Euthanasia) would go forward because a)Shaffo’s LQ (Life Quality) is a result of a NRBHI (Non Reality Based Hope Index), and therefore it is not valid, and therefore it is not relevant, and b) if it were relevant, and the ME (Merciful Euthanasia) was indefinitely postponed, the DRBER (Department of Reality Based Expectation Regulation) would suppress Shaffo’s PHI (Personal Hope Index), thereby deflating his PJI (Personal Joy Index), thereby deflating his LQ (Life Quality) thereby rendering the appeal moot.
Shaffo subsequently converted to Islam and appealed to the SCE (Sharia Court of Europe) for a SESEUM (Special Exeption for European Union Muslims). The 7th Chancellor’s court ruled that Shaffo was not a SM (Sincere Muslim), but was posing as one to avoid ME (Merciful Euthanasia).
Shaffo subsequently begged the SCE (Sharia Court of Europe) for RDS (Recognized Dhimmi Status) and pledged 30% of his income to the MBEU (Muslim Brotherhood of the European Union) for life. The MBEU demanded 70%. Negotiations went on for 3 years, until the 7th Chancellor’s court ruled Shaffo was not a SDA (Sincere Dhimmi Applicant) but in fact was posing as one, and extending negotiations with the sympathetic MBEU (Muslim Brotherhood of the European Union) to avoid ME (Merciful Euthanasia). The 7th Chancellor’s court ruled therefore that the negotiations must end, and then ruled that Shaffo’s ME (Merciful Euthanasia) be carried out immediately.
Shaffo subsequently has written a letter from his PME (Place for Merciful Euthanasia) seeking a stay of ME (Merciful Euthanasia). He cites no legal reasons for the stay, but asks the 7th Chancellor’s court to, begin quote:
Just read this and remember I’m a man. And remember you are men and women.
end quote. The text of the letter itself is below. Begin text of letter:
Dear 7th Chancellor’s court,
I know that I asked to be killed if I got stupid again, but I didn’t know then what I know now. So I’m stupid now but I’m smarter now, too. I’m smarter because I know I want to live, even though I’m stupid. When I was smart I didn’t know Id still want to live, but now I do, so I’m smarter now. You want to kill me because I asked you to kill me when I was supposed to be smart, but if I was smart then I wouldn’t have asked you to kill me when I got dumb again.
Please don’t kill me. My wife and I are happy, and we love each other, and we want to have children. My wife says she loves me even though my IQ is 78 and that I’m smart in the ways that count to her. Her IQ is 128, and she knows me better than you guys do. And she knows me better than I knew me when I said to kill me if I got dumb. I wasn’t even me then so how could I know whether I’d want to be killed?
end text of letter.
The 7th Chancellor’s court finds the letter to be out of order. Appeals for the court to remember we are “men and women” have no place.